:(
life was complicated.. really complicated.. no matter how we want to fix things at some point still it will complicate life..sometimes you have to sacrifice some things to avoid complications. but what really matters is if you want something no matter how complicated it was, u’ll fight for it. no matter how hard.. no matter how painful.. because at the end of the story even if u didnt get what u want.. u can say to yourself “atleast i tried”..
New Year, New Life =)
Hello 2010.. Cheers to a new year, new chapter of everyone’s life.. Hmm.. New life for me, taking off all the bad things about me, how I wish I could. ^_^ Another opportunity for me to change all my bad attitudes ~_~ I hope this time its for real.. geez its really hard to be good. Haha! Ryt?
nothing to say..
i have nothing to say.. there are lots of things running through my head pro i dont know how will i write them, love is there but sometimes no matter how much you wanted to believe you’ll always stop and think, if everything you’ve done is worthy enough.. i believe love is being selfless, and im really trying to be selfless, the pain really sucks, but what can i do? if i didnt give what he wants ill be the villain of the story, and the most painful part is when he calls you selfish, that’s why now im feeling the pain, hugging it inch by inch till i cant feel it anymore, till my heart gets numb, and my tears wont fall anymore, when that time comes whatever he wants to do, whatever he needs to do, i wont feel the pain anymore, the pain that lingers in every part of my body.. the pain of not being heard and understood. he might tell me he understand but he doesn’t, because if he do he knows how it feels, but we have different mind and feelings, so i cant do anything about it, i just have to shut up to avoid arguments, i have to change myself so that he could be happy, so i wont hear any blames and complaints, sometimes i really wanna give up and let go, but letting go is not included in my options. So no matter how painful and hard im really trying to be strong, strong enough to fight for what we have, for what we build up, for what i’ve invested; my emotions, my time, and my future.. Often i always imagine of giving him to another girl, a girl who can act like she doesn’t care, a girl like him. that’s the perfect girl for him, and that’s what i feel. the one who would go outside with her friends and has nothing to worry about because he know that his bf was doing the same thing, something like that. Someone who dont need his attention. Someone that wont nag at him. Someone totally different from me.. but i cant and its hard.. every time i think of it, its tearing me apart. so ill just wait for the time when he’ll say to me that its the end of the both of us. because in reality love has no assurance, you just love and you cant stop it when someone fell out of love..
